According to the general consensus, I am one of them. What does having “a lot of character” mean, though? And most importantly, why is it so bad?
One of the things that seems to give you this “a lot of character” is to want things your way. But, doesn’t everybody like that? Especially in the things that matter?
Of course there is a line between liking things being done your way and imposing your way on other people. When the latter happens, you’re either in possession of “the best way” (it sometimes is the case) or you’re just close-minded and incapable of accepting the fact that there are “other” ways of doing the same thing and as respectable and correct as yours.
I have been accused of behaving like that. I have behaved like that (and chances are I will behave like that). Especially when it comes to friendships.
You meet somebody, you feel an affinity, you want to meet more often, you seem to agree on basic issues and behaviours with that person, you meet more often and suddenly you go through a bad patch. This somebody offers you support and consolation and there you have it, a friend.
You get over your affliction and keep on with your friend. Now you’ve been shown that there is somebody that cares about you. And we (people) like that. Whether we like saying it or not.
Then, for women with a lot of character, things get complicated. Normally such women tend to have strong feelings towards things that matter to them (friendship being one of them), and tend to take things to heart. They remember, too.
Friends to them become a sacred thing, something to protect. Limits start getting blurred and friends become kin.
Beware then of having an opinion and exercising your right to express it. Women with a lot of character do not tend to take very well any criticism towards themselves -I think I can claim to know what I’m talking about here. But they do not take at all any criticism, independently of the aim it is being delivered with, of their friends. Beware of being your own person, of having your own character and of meaning them well.
Because then you’ll not only get into trouble, you will lose that friend. And if you happen to be geographically close to your friend, it is going to be a long and painful process. Like losing your partner. It is the same thing.
A woman I know tells her daughter: “Real friends don’t dump you”. The child is only 5 and is not allowed to go further from her street with her older friends. You should hear her wailing when the other kids go away (they have more flexible parents) and she is left behind.
Very true. But very sad too.
It is sad to have to degrade people from “real friend” to “friend”. What’s more, you wish you could automatically downgrade them to “nobody, actually”. Because in that downgrading process, like with a break-up, there is always the little but gradually larger deceptions, the hope, the thinking you’ve lost all hope, the regaining of hope, the next deception.
And on, and on.
What scares me is that I, having established I have a lot of character, have done that. Have deceived a person like that, have hurt and inflicted pain in such a way.
I hope I have never done so for not letting other people (other friends) have their own opinions, be it on religion, politics or on other people. It is not compulsory to like people. It should be acceptable too.
I think I better go and concentrate on having less character -how’s that for a corporate goal? It will probably get me a pay rise, actually.
